google-site-verification=U0Q4nUf7gy008G2e6vjitL4htHLAso-Tlnzg4z6xYtI Addressing "Being a Caretaker" with Coach April - Addressing the ELEPHANT in the Room®

Episode 10

"Being a Caretaker" with Coach April

I've been working on addressing all kinds of elephants over the years, and ironically someone asked me "how did I become a caretaker?" so I am going to Address the ELEPHANT of "Being a Caretaker"

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Addressing the ELEPHANT in the Room® is a ONE LIGHT AHEAD production made in association with Eric Ballestero.

© Copyright ONE LIGHT AHEAD® & April Ballestero & Eric Ballestero 2021. All Rights Reserved.

Host: Coach April Ballestero

Guest: N/A

Produced by: Eric Ballestero

Transcript
Coach April Ballestero:

Welcome everyone is another episode of

Coach April Ballestero:

And each season we work to give you one episode on a personal note.

Coach April Ballestero:

And so I want to walk you through a couple of things by the way.

Coach April Ballestero:

Welcome.

Coach April Ballestero:

My name is the founder of one light ahead, and I get to be a strategic coach.

Coach April Ballestero:

I get to inform and educate and celebrate and empower all kinds of fun stuff.

Coach April Ballestero:

And I chose to do this particular podcast for a multitude of reasons yet.

Coach April Ballestero:

I want to tell you the journey and how this podcast got formed and some

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can get some clarity into why it's so important for myself and our guests

Coach April Ballestero:

So let me give you the history first.

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Some of you are all of us, or however you want to perceive it.

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I have gone through a season of COVID and pandemic and all the other aspects that

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Through the journey we all had our coping mechanisms and one of my coping mechanisms

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And for those of you that are familiar with NCIS, Gibbs, Mark Harmon, uh, Did an

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this particular one particular season, his love interest, uh, and him were having a

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And he ended up buying a, uh, portrait of an elephant and put it on her wall.

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And it just resonated with me because I had my own elephants.

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I've been working on all kinds of elephants over the years.

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And one particular one was really, uh, extremely evident

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And ironically, when somebody asked me to do a presentation for a chamber, they asked

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me to speak on whatever I wanted and I chose addressing the elephant in the room.

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And then I ended up creating the podcast.

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And through that journey, not only have I been addressing elephants on

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others determine what their elephant is, what they want to address and how they

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And so that's how addressing the elephant in the room.

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Podcasts got started and we're excited to be a vessel, a platform, and a

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our show that we interview and prepare and make sure it's aligned with our

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So with that, uh, I want to share with you on a personal note, uh, my own, one

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of my own elephants has been one that I've been spending years addressing.

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And again, I didn't get to be a professional that helps others uncover where they are,

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are in the way, how they get purposeful about what they say matters, in verifying

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Because sometimes we have stories that we bought into that aren't

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take some time, allow somebody in our life to ask us tough questions

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And one of the through this journey, uh, I've surrounded myself over the years

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with some amazing people that are wise and know how to ask the right questions.

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And one particular question, uh, has come up recently about how did I become a caretaker?

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And for those of you that are caretakers, I don't need to give you the definition of it.

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And yet, uh, there's many of us.

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And at some point in time, we decided that it was our responsibility to be

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a caretaker for an immense amount of people or a certain amount of people.

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However, that is for you.

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When you fall into that caretaker role, you sometimes put yourself as

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And I sadly have gone through that for many of years.

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And recently, as I've been working through discovering some key insights

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for myself, for writing, for all kinds of different things that I'm doing.

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A vision came up and helped me clarify how to address that elephant.

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What made me a caretaker and that is our elephant for the day, by the

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way, what makes the caretaker and how do you discuss being a caretaker?

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How do you share that with your family, with your friends, with your colleagues

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a caretaker and or knowing how to put them inappropriate boundaries.

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And so, first of all, I want to share with you how I discovered I was a caretaker.

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Through the years and the most recent discovery.

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Uh, and there's so many pieces of that puzzle.

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I tell people all the time, I've got more stories that are going to go into one book.

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Uh, yeah.

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It's uh, I only share stories when it's relevant to the subject matter.

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What is it?

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A tool to help people move forward.

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So I'm going to share a specific story for me personally, and my family members.

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So that it'll help you see kind of where this elephant started for me.

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And, uh, ironically, I have a twin brother, many people don't know that it's still

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a couple other brothers as well, very thankful for it, yet uh, my twin and I

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raised with an immense amount of family around one particular was our grandmother.

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And when our grandfather died, she got very angry.

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Um, and through the seasons, uh, one, one particular moment.

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I remember she literally attacked my brother and, uh, there was, uh, I mean, I

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I remember this just different pieces of things happening.

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Well, that started a journey of.

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Hours of beatings.

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I mean, just days and days and hours.

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And it could have been years, uh, and there was a, a denial that happened

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So there was a huge, huge elephant happening, and he was just the

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powerful antagonizer that he still is today, ironically.

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And yet, he wonders why, but anyways, um, and the gift of that is that in his mind,

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And so I.

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Had this table that my grandpa made and it would be set up.

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And so I'd have blankets and tents.

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And I had a whole bookshelf that he had, he had made for me

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And I just get lost in those books almost like I was hiding.

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And I recognized even my son would notice when I'd hide in pictures.

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I had a natural hide.

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Process, because that was what I had grown up with.

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So ironically, as I've been discovering this process, I recognize that I had become the

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caretaker when I wasn't needing to hide so that I made up from when I needed to hide.

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And it's a long story and it's a whole process to dive into,

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and I wanted to share that story with you because I'm sure

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Sadly, and we live, uh, and you know, as I learn how to see all different

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my mom's, to my sons, to my brothers, to just my daughter, I mean, there's just

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so many different perspectives and so many different ways we take in history.

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And part of, one of the books that I'm building is the awareness of

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And that elephant, just even communicating about it is a process and, and, and

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an opportunity to share with people that, you know, that wasn't okay.

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And yet it made us who we are good, bad, and indifferent.

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And it caused me to domino multitude of caretaking opportunities and realize

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And that caretaking needs to have boundaries.

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There's a difference of empowering or enabling.

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There's a difference of stepping in and doing, or, uh, the concept of teaching

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And the concept is that in any relationship, as we go into addressing the elephant as

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people that are going to ask you tough questions and allow your mind to start

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processing it, allow your mind to decide whether or not these thoughts are accurate.

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And I have all kinds of tools for that as well.

Coach April Ballestero:

Yeah.

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You know, as you're in the midst of it, or you're in the midst of a

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situation, sometimes that file folder won't open in the midst of a situation.

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You have to remove yourself from it.

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So you can see all the different aspects of what happened, how it happened, et cetera.

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So you can know how to process moving forward and what boundaries are set

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have all kinds of things to say and share and give you some insight into.

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So we'll dive into the next phase of that is the concept of, okay, now

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and an elephant, your, your your know is taking a huge amount of space.

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And the challenge is so many times you want to just attack the whole elephant at once.

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And that's unrealistic.

Coach April Ballestero:

Uh, It's a one-bite-at-a- time.

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And I love that phrase.

Coach April Ballestero:

The first time I heard it, years and years ago, it just resonated with me and

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chained to and how to remove those chains, its also a part of the process.

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So to dive into that particular experience, just even having the conversation about

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The first step of recognizing.

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That's where it started among it's called trauma.

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And there was other trauma items that happen in our home.

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Uh, there were lots of things that dominoed over the years that caused one domino,

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and just the bigger the elephant got the bigger the challenge became.

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And that's what a lot of people don't realize is that if you don't address

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an elephant, when its a small elephant, it becomes a really large elephant.

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And years and years in the making.

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And so after, you know, quite a few years and a really big elephant, and that's

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so many different subjects that have that type of elephant presence and child abuse

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of those things are real elephants that cause caretakers that cause, uh, they

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So they go into caretaker mode and, uh, that.

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Gives them some type of sense of security, which is a false sense of security.

Coach April Ballestero:

So as you step into a new relationship, any type of friendship, any type of

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um, any type of family relationship, your opportunity to start recognizing

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There's books, there's doctors, there's counselors, there's coaches.

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Now remember there's a difference between coaching and counseling.

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And I won't go into that definition.

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I choose and remind people all the time.

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I'm not a counselor.

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I choose to be a coach about moving people forward, discovering where

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how we're going to take, discover the millimeters and the steps in the yards.

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If you will, to get there, the opportunity is to recognize.

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That I, I moved into the awareness feature and I moved into the opportunity to

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who and what, and how they fit into my story and whether or not that story

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is appropriate and whether or not that story is fitting to move forward.

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So literally every relationship is through a process and a filter

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Being spoke about and communicating how I get to communicate with each and every

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supporting the caretaker, uh, release and, you know, making sure, as I said in

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another QA recently, uh, The chain that was on that elephant is no longer there.

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And it's an eye-opener when you can communicate about something and you no

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you are able to look at it and see it and say, okay, how do I share this?

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How do I be purposeful about making sure it no longer can be chained to me?

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How do I make sure that it is something that I'm conscious of a

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And yet I don't repeat the same pattern.

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And I'm sure all of you are just contemplating.

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What does this mean to me and how does it mean to me?

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Make sure you surround yourself with people that can ask you those questions.

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And if something is resonate with you, get the help, get the support because the

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because this is not an easy thing to take on after years and years of lots of

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Crazy ways of making mistakes through this process.

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And I could go on for days on that, uh, you also recognize how important

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say, you know, this is not the life path that I want to keep taking.

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I'm going to remove that chain.

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I'm going to keep that chain off and I'm going to communicate about it and

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going to honor that that's just the one little step you can do today to be

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because when you take the time to communicate and communication is such

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there's so many different levels of communication, there's a difference of

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sure you share it yet, how somebody hears it, how somebody understands it, how

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gives it back to you, what behavior they give you when you share something and

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how they choose to, uh, dig in and show you that they value your perspective.

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And as well as you value their perspective, it's, uh, it's uh, what I have learned at

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the value exchange in any relationship is so ridiculously a whole nother elephant almost.

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Uh, and when you're addressing an elephant, such as being a caretaker, The

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many, uh, including myself that removing it and recognizing that it's gone and

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Is it daily, daily hour by hour, moment by moment process to be purposeful about

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recognizing the value, your worthiness, your opportunity to make yourself a priority.

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Keep serving, keep using your gifting, keep loving on others with appropriate

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with appropriate understanding of where you stand in your life and how,

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with and how you want to be purposeful about what truly matters to you.

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Because you're doing that out of a heart for not survival, not protection so much.

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Not that that doesn't need to be absolutely there.

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Yet, you also need to recognize how true what each story is and

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And I get to help people do that every day.

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And I surround myself with people that help me do that every day.

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And I just want to wrap up today wanting to make this a very effective, yet efficient,

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is to remind you just like myself, that perception is such a unique reality.

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And not all our perceptions are accurate.

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Not all our stories are accurate.

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Now all our elephants are accurate.

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Uh, even when we say, you know, okay, I'm going to take on this caretaker role.

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It is a benefit in some ways, depending on what perception I take on to be a caretaker.

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Uh, am I remember working for a construction company and I became the

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And.

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In many ways, there was some healthy parts of that.

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I owned my role.

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I owned my ability to serve.

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I had a huge amount of success.

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I built the first manual that company ever had.

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And yet I also, um, had a moment when I recognized that even going to use the

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restroom was a challenge because I was so relied on and I had got chained to a desk.

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And so it was another physical.

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Reminder of how that caretaker was holding me hostage instead of

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So knowing when to allow the boundaries and when to remove boundaries and, or

Coach April Ballestero:

So as we wrap up the, by the way, you can check out onelightahead.com.

Coach April Ballestero:

On there end or our partner resources, the habit finder assessment is completely free.

Coach April Ballestero:

It helps us start seeing some thought patterns.

Coach April Ballestero:

And we always know they're attached to stories yet.

Coach April Ballestero:

Sometimes we're not completely ready to tell the story, or we need a process

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in which to start peeling back the layers of the ending of that story.

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And so I get to help people discover that.

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And I've surrounded myself with people that helped me discover that.

Coach April Ballestero:

And so I would just advise you, I would encourage you.

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I would empower you to, especially for all the caretakers listening, uh, is not an

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choice to decide, to say enough and say, this is no longer the path I want to take.

Coach April Ballestero:

Not the way I want to take it.

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I want to continue to be the resource, the vessel, the tool that

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And I want to do it in a way that is coming from empowerment and

Coach April Ballestero:

Thank you for joining us.

Coach April Ballestero:

And again, coachapril@onelightahead.com.

Coach April Ballestero:

If you have any questions, any caretakers want to resonate and share, uh, or

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it and sees it happen to somebody and doesn't know how to help them.

Coach April Ballestero:

Uh, there's so many different tools and resources.

Coach April Ballestero:

We have an opportunity as we start addressing even more elephants as we move

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find the resources, the people, and one bite at a time to keep moving forward, because

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we have a limited amount of time and we have a limited amount of resources and.

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An opportunity to get purposeful about it.

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So we appreciate your listening.

Coach April Ballestero:

We appreciate the opportunity to serve and to be a voice as well as a vessel.

Coach April Ballestero:

And thank you for allowing me personally, to share my own one of my many stories,

Coach April Ballestero:

uh, to help you see why it's so important for us to share this podcast.

Coach April Ballestero:

Have an amazing day, everyone.

About the Podcast

Show artwork for Addressing the ELEPHANT in the Room®
Addressing the ELEPHANT in the Room®
We discuss hard things to talk about and shed light on difficult subjects.

About your hosts

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April Ballestero

Author, Facilitator, Founder, Consultant, Speaker, and Strategic Leadership Coach guiding light bulb moments. Thankful to be celebrating 10 years of guiding, coaching, and leading industry leaders such as attorneys, coaches, chiropractors, financial planners, the real estate industry, and many other sales and business professionals across the nation. The celebration goes on to include over 20 years of business, professional and personal development which I am so honored to share as a vessel to our clients, coaches, and community.
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Eric Ballestero

Eric Ballestero has worked with Coach April Ballestero since before ONE LIGHT AHEAD's inception in 2011 while he was still in school and has continually brought new ideas and a lot of technical help to the team. He now produces the Addressing the ELEPHANT in the Room podcast in addition to being the Operations Coordinator to ONE LIGHT AHEAD.